Tips & Tools

Marital Conflict

I DO:

Marriage is a life commitment to a person in which two individuals pledge to stick together through good and bad. Every relationship with another human being is bound to face some misunderstandings and dilemmas especially if one was with another person the whole time. We have behaviors, feelings, and thoughts that change frequently. Nonetheless, it would be beneficial to learn what the causes and solutions  of marital conflict are to be able to avoid and use them wisely. “Conflict is an opportunity to learn to love our partner over time”, said Dr. Julie Gottman. Hence, partners should make the most of their conflicts and transform them into an opportunity.

Why?

As living beings, we differ a lot and may have opposite preferences to our spouses. Something as simple as you liking to watch soap operas while your husband is obsessed with boxing matches might lead to conflict or basic bickering. Upon mentioning bickering, household chores are a source of trouble. Who washes the dishes, who hangs the laundry, and who drops the kids off to school in the morning are all factors that lead to quarrels at times.

Due to the hard times we live in, financials are another major cause to problems between spouses. If both of your jobs provide regular incomes while having kids, rents, and all kinds of bills to pay by the end of the month, then it is quite normal to be stressed and on the edge most of the time. Having children might increase the small problems you fight about with the other parent. One parent allows the child to eat whatever he wants, while the other makes sure that he only eats healthy food. Multiply that simple example with hundreds of others and then you would realise why you feel you are in a constant battle with your partner.

What to do?

The steps to a successful relationship with minimal trouble and conflict are short and clear. Knowing what they are and abiding by them usually insures the least conflict and enhances an open, positive, and understanding connection with your spouse. You should:

  1. Listen and Express:: listen attentively to what your partner is saying without thinking about what you want to say next as soon as they stop talking without having a clue about what he or she was saying. There is nothing wrong about telling your partner how you feel and what you think of a particular issue. Be open and clear about what is inside of you. Always be open to discussions and to exchange ideas and thoughts with your partners to reach a certain agreement that suits both of you.
  2. Do fun activities together:  buy a new DVD and snuggle at home with a bowl of popcorn, go out for a romantic dinner every once in awhile, perform a certain activity you both enjoy like tennis or such. Such interactions strengthen the bond between you two.
  3. Hugs and kisses: make sure you include a lot of physical contact in your relationship with your spouse, random kisses, and caring hugs. Plenty of touching improves the atmosphere you live in and strengthens the bond with your partner.
  4. Be patient: take a deep breath, think of what you are about to reply with, and then answer in a nice manner. Even if your partner is going through a bad day, you should be patient and take into consideration the general situation.
  5. Please and Thank : remember to be nice and friendly with your spouse. Saying simple words like please and thank you can make a huge difference when it comes to daily interaction. Such words cause a friendly environment that relieves stress and tension.

It’s All Normal:shutterstock_570371779.jpg

Any kind of relationship faces some kind of conflict at one time or another, let alone marriage. You wake up and go to sleep with the same person next to you. It might be annoying at times, but remember the steps to keep the problems under control. Express your love and need to your spouse often to maintain a comfortable atmosphere in your household.

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